Options
by cause.A.scene
Summary: COMPLETE It was Reid... So why was JJ so scared of seeing him? RevelationsTag Not a romance, just friendship :
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** Another tag to Revelations that dives into how JJ was feeling afterwards. It was sparked by the final moments of the episode when (SPOILER if you haven't seen Revelations from season two) they find Reid, JJ hugs him and then quickly walks away. I always found it to be interesting (and if you read the endnote at the bottom you'll understand why even more) so I had to write this.

It's a different approach than most so a lot of you may not be into it but here it is either way!

**Warnings:** Spoilers if you haven't seen Revelations and it's unbeta'd so all mistakes, while I tried to rid of them, are mine.

**Pairings:** NONE! I don't do romances… just not my thing. This is a friendship piece.

**Disclaimer:** None of it is mine.

So, enjoy!!

* * *

JJ stood outside the room with only a thin sheet of glass separating her from Dr. Spencer Reid. He was the baby of the team, someone who surprised them constantly with his outstanding capacity of knowledge contained under the mess of brown hair. She smiled at the thought, though it was short lived as she noticed how lifeless even his hair was, mimicking his body as a whole.

Still, he was alive. He was safe. It was under a day ago that she had seen him literally die on a screen in front of her and remain that way for what seemed like far too long. And yet, with the unexpected assistance of his kidnapper and torturer, was resurrected.

JJ bit her lip and let her eyes fall to the floor. Oh, they had been so close to losing him forever. And yet, despite his reassuring words before he had be transported to the hospital that it was not her fault, she couldn't help but continue to blame herself. She should have had his back just like anyone else on the team would have done. She brought her hand up to her eyes and rubbed, no longer wanting to look at Reid's still form even if she could hardly see him from the distance.

"JJ," some said and she jumped as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She spun around quickly, defensively, to stare into the eyes of Derek Morgan.

"Are you okay?" he asked. She nodded quickly, perhaps too quickly, and once again lowered her eyes. "JJ, you know he's alright, don't you? You can go in there and visit him…"

"No," she responded automatically, surprising even herself. "I mean, I just don't want to disturb him or anything. I doubt he's gotten much sleep and you know Reid, once he's out of the hospital he'll do his own thing which means no rest so…"

Morgan didn't seem convinced by her excuse, and in his defense, she wasn't entirely convinced herself. She had prayed and longed for Reid to be found so that she could see him and touch him to know he's really okay. Especially after seeing him die then come back to life… she sometimes couldn't piece together what was real and what wasn't.

"Well, he pretty much stays asleep anyway," Morgan continued. "And when he is awake, he's pretty much normal. He's asked about you a few times."

JJ's heart momentarily stopped. Dozens of horrifying thoughts of him condemning her and hating her for her mistakes dashed through her mind. "He what?" she mumbled.

Morgan's eyes narrowed in confusion and concern. "He asked about you… As in how you were…? JJ, what's going on with you? It's Reid."

"I know," she said quickly. "And nothing's wrong. I just want to give him some peace and quiet, that's all."

"Well I think he could use friends more than peace and quiet right now," Morgan said, sounding more serious. "I can tell he's still pretty spooked and the doctors say remnants of shock might last a little while."

"What does that mean?"

"I think it's mostly just his memory," Morgan replied. JJ bit her lip, suddenly sickened at the thought of Spencer Reid having any sort of problems with his expert memory. Morgan apparently caught on to her thought process because he started to laugh a little.

"No, no. It's not so much that he can't remember things, because I'm pretty sure he remembers it all… just can't exactly distinguish what all was real and what was in his mind," he said, then paused. His eyes then filled with some sort of mix of sadness and anger. "Henkel had him doped up to the gills most of the time so the confusion is expected."

A part of his explanation was relief to JJ, but the mention of the drugs certainly was not. She had heard someone mention drugs before but she had pushed it aside waiting for news on the young agent. But now with it confirmed, it made her feel even sicker.

"JJ, he's okay. I think he keeps asking about you because apparently his memory of his rescue is a little fuzzy. I'm pretty sure it would relax him even more if he saw you. Besides, you both went through a lot…"

JJ snorted. "Hardly. I shot some dogs…"

"Come on now," Morgan replied, looking rather concerned as well as annoyed. "You were attacked and even injured. And on top of all that, you still had to go through what we went through with Reid being kidnapped. So yeah, compared to Reid, you got lucky this time but it could've just as easily been you. You have every right in the world to be shocked and scared and hurt."

JJ quieted. She knew, to some extent, he was right but still the guilt lingered and consumed her. She looked past Morgan and saw Emily standing with Hotchner, discussing something. Every now and then one of them would look her way and she found it to be very unsettling.

"I'm about to go in there with Garcia. You want to join us?" Morgan asked.

JJ took a moment to appear as though she was thinking about it, but only one answer screamed at her. "No, there are a few things I have to take care of first."

JJ didn't miss the skeptical look he flashed her, but she turned from him and walked towards Emily and Hotch and hated the way they suddenly stopped talking.

"Hey," she said, forcing the most sincere smile she could muster.

"Hi."

"Hey JJ."

Silence.

She could feel their concerned gaze on her.

"Have the networks and police stations been notified?" she asked, trying to bring it to a professional level.

"Of course," Hotchner replied, much too softly for her taste.

"And the families of the victims…?"

"Yes, JJ," Emily said. "It's all taken care of. Case closed."

"Well, for the most part," Hotch interjected. " I'm going to order the team to go through mandatory counseling on top of the usual reports. I'm also going to ask that yours and Reid's sessions be a bit more thorough."

JJ paused a moment. "Um, okay. But may I ask why? I know I was attacked by dogs but, certainly nothing that's worth a lengthy mental review."

"I respect your opinion; however, I'd be much more content if you gave it a try. If you're cleared, then I won't fight it but to say that you are acting anything close to your normal self would be a lie."

This shut her up. Well, at least he was more Hotch-like. Always blunt and to the point. She put on the best smile she had.

"Okay. I can do that."

"Good," Hotch said. "If you'll excuse me, I want to have a few words with Reid's doctors." He then promptly began walking towards a man in a white coat and JJ turned back to Emily.

"I'm going to visit Reid, you want to come?" Emily asked.

JJ bit her lip, the put on yet another fake smile. "Oh, no. He's sleeping and Morgan and Garcia are already in there."

"Well, that's not a problem. It's visiting hours and he was cleared to have multiple visitors. They say he's doing very well," she said kindly then looked to Reid's room and smiled. "Oh, and he's awake."

The breath caught in JJ's throat and she glanced over at the window long enough to see the once lifeless form move slightly. She jumped, and turned around again to face Emily who was wearing a very confused look on her face.

"JJ…"

"Um, yeah. I might join you after all. I think I'm going to use the restroom first though and maybe grab a cup of coffee. You want any?"

Emily frowned and shook her head 'no'. "JJ, are you sure you're alright? If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were _afraid _to see Reid."

JJ choked out a laugh. "Afraid? Of course not! I just need to make a quick stop then I'll be right in."

Once again, she received yet another skeptical look but Emily thankfully didn't question her further.

"Well, alright then. I'll see you in a few minutes."

"Yep," JJ said, and then watched as Emily turn and walk towards Reid's room.

Was she afraid? It was Reid, though! He was hurt and just went through hell and back, so why was she the one who was afraid to see him? He was so small and fragile, certainly nothing to be afraid of and yet the thought of seeing him and talking to him twisted her stomach in knots.

She began walking, though she wasn't sure where. She simply trusted that her feet would lead her to the right place. Before she knew it, she was standing in front of the coffee machine and had to smile. Of course she was led to coffee.

She poured a sorry cup, not really caring how it tasted and sat down. The thought of avoiding Reid when he needed friends the most killed her. She knew it had to be the guilt of what she had done. There was a part of her that knew different decisions on her part would have prevented Reid from going through all that he had to endure.

She closed her eyes and a tear rolled down her cheek as the image of him having to dig his own grave, already weak and broken filled her wearing mind. God, how could something like this happen to someone as innocent as Spencer Reid?

She put her coffee down and let her head fall to her hands. She was so tired and her arm throbbed relentlessly. She was fighting tears and felt like throwing up. What was wrong with her? It was Reid who was in the hospital, not her.

She stood up and ran her hands through her hair. She was being absolutely ridiculous. Without another moment's hesitation, she began to retrace her steps back towards Reid's room and had every intention of going in and seeing him.

However, as she got nearer, she couldn't escape the memories of him bloody and being beaten on the monitors or how he almost toppled over when he had hugged her. He had been so extraordinarily weak and broken. She felt her stomach start to twist painfully once more but fought the urges to make a beeline to the restroom.

As she rounded the corner into Reid's hallway, she saw Morgan, Garcia, Hotch and Emily all standing outside his door. For a split second, her heart seemed to stop and the breath caught in her lungs. Had something happened? But then she saw Morgan laugh softly and realized everything must have been okay.

"What's going on?" she asked, coming to stand next to them all.

"He fell asleep on us again," Emily answered.

"I'm beginning to think he's doing it on purpose," Morgan added with a grin.

They all chuckled for a moment, then Garcia spoke up.

"A few of us were thinking about heading to the restaurant across the street. We haven't decided who yet, but once we do you can just tell them what you want and we'll bring it back."

JJ took a deep breath, then smiled. "You know what? You guys go ahead. I'll stay here with Reid."

With this statement, she saw something change on Hotchner's face but couldn't decide what he was thinking.

"Sounds good," he said quickly. "We'll be back soon. Call if anything changes."

Suddenly, JJ realized that he was wanting just this; one-on-one time between Reid and herself and was going to make sure she got it.

TBC

* * *

**EN:** In case any of you are familiar with my stories, I do have the tendency to explore a different side of how people react when loved ones are hurt. There's the rushing to their side and refusing to be pulled away, but there's also a fear some people have that's difficult to explain. I like to explore that. Soooo hopefully some of you do too. Either way, thanks for reading and the next one will be up soon. Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving (or normal day for those outside of the US)!


	2. Chapter 2

Haha so I've reached a new personal record. This is the least amount of reviews I've ever gotten and I'm actually okay with it! Gotta have one of these I figure!! So, thank you !! And thanks to everyone who read and will finish it! Hope you all enjoy.

* * *

With Spence in his hospital room and the rest of the team now on their way to the diner across the street, JJ was left standing awkwardly in the hallway outside of Reid's room. She knew the next step would be to actually enter the little room but it was still such a difficult thing to do. Actually, she wasn't entirely sure why she had volunteered to stay at the hospital now. At the time, it had seemed like the perfect way to avoid the stares of her peers but now it seemed a better option than this.

But why?!

Why was she so afraid of going in there? It was Reid for goodness sake! She had always felt so comfortable around him even though he hadn't always felt the same about her. JJ had been aware of the small crush Spencer had had on her years back. Not to mention his natural tendency to be shy and uncomfortable around people in general and especially women. She had always found it cute, though. It was just Spencer.

But as time passed, his crush faded and a strong relationship had taken its place. She valued Reid's friendship tremendously. Being the friend of a genius was surprisingly easy and she relished how he never seemed to judge anyone and could always find a reason to be happy. To smile.

She lowered her head and felt sadness nearly choke her. How could he retain that ability? How could he ever be the same Reid she knew and loved?

Then it occurred to her: That's what she was afraid of. She was terrified that she would see him and instead of seeing her sweet, caring Spence, she would see a broken Agent Reid and know that she had a hand in the transformation. The others didn't understand because they were innocent in the matter, JJ was not.

"Ma'am?" someone said next to her, making her jump. The nurse recoiled her outstretched hand upon seeing JJ's reaction. "I'm sorry if I startled you, I just wanted to let you know that you're more than welcome to sit with Agent Reid."

JJ forced a smile. "Oh, thank you."

"No problem," the nurse replied. "I just wasn't sure if you knew he could have visitors. He's doing very well, actually. The drugs are almost completely out of his system and his wounds are healing nicely with no sign of infection. The only concern the doctor has is possible illnesses as a resort of his weakened immune system on top of the terrible treatment he was giving but we've yet to see anything significant happen in that area…"

JJ tried to maintain her smile but this was too much, too fast. She had only been told that Reid was going to be alright and was doing well, but she hadn't heard the blunt details. The nurse was nice, of course, but JJ didn't want to hear any of this.

"Oh, I'm sorry dear," the nurse said then as though she could hear JJ's thoughts. "I'm sure the doctor will explain all of this to you in a proper manner. You just seemed concerned so I thought I'd try to comfort you…"

"Oh, no… you did," JJ said quickly, truly appreciating the woman's intentions. "I'm just… well, it's been a long week."

"I'm sure it has," she said kindly. "But the good news is it's over now and the sweet young man in there is going to be just fine."

JJ smiled and for the first time, it was sincere. The older nurse had a way about her that did comfort JJ. And more importantly, she was right; the past few days were over and Reid was alright, something none of them had thought possible at one point. Guilt still ran through her veins violently but it was less noticeable.

"Well I better get going," the nurse said. "It was nice talking to you, Agent…"

"JJ," she responded. "Everyone calls me JJ."

"Well, Agent JJ. It was a pleasure talking to you and just for the record, I think if you see him for yourself, you'll feel better."

The nurse then turned away and left JJ standing there feeling as though she had just been profiled. How could everyone see that she was avoiding seeing Reid? JJ figured that the woman must have seen other friends and family members of patients behave like this. It was the best explanation she had, anyway. That or the woman needed to be recruiting for the BAU.

Regardless, there would be no more avoiding. JJ was going into that room and was going to see her co-worker, friend and someone she even considered close enough to be family. JJ took a deep breath in and slowly let it out, and walked into the room.

As far as she could tell, he was still asleep. His head was turned away from her slightly so that all she could see was a mess of brown hair which both comforted her and put her on edge. She wanted to see his face but was afraid it wouldn't be the face she remembered.

She took a few more steps into the room to where a few chairs were set up. She positioned herself in front of the one closest to his bed as though she was going to sit down, but didn't. She wasn't ready to sit just yet.

She could see a sliver of one of his eyes now and confirmed that he was still asleep, which calmed her some. She had time to adjust before she had to talk to him. She let her eyes wander over his frail-looking body. There were bruises on his wrists which lied limply by his sides and he somehow seemed thinner than when she had left him, but that may have simply been the work of the over-sized hospital gown.

Other than those two obvious ailments, he seemed normal for what she could see. The revelation brought her comfort and she finally decided it was time to sit. As she went to carefully slide in her chair, her purse slipped from her fingers and fell to the floor with a loud thud and she looked up in time to see Reid jolt awake as a result.

Guilt, once again, pulsed through her body as she watched bleary search the room and slowly make their way towards her.

"I'm so sorry, Spence," she said softly, still feeling horrible. "Want me to leave?" she added as she began to stand up.

"JJ?" he said quietly, his voice cracking slightly from sleepiness. "Hey! No, you're fine. Stay, please," he said, sounding legitimately pleased to see her. She lowered herself back down and tried to put on a sincere smile.

"How have you been?" he asked, also relaxing back into his pillows.

She forced the smile to go wider. "Good, good. Just… well, relieved to have you back safe, you know."

Reid bit his lips slightly in the way he always did when things were a little uncomfortable, but it actually made JJ feel more comfortable than before.

"Yeah," he said finally, looking away. "I wanted to talk to you about that…"

JJ's stomach did a 180 and she also had to look away. "No, Spence, it's not necessary. Look, I'm so sorry that…"

"JJ," Reid said then in a stern voice that she very rarely heard. "That's not what I wanted to talk about. Well, I guess it kind of is but what I wanted to say is that _I'm _sorry."

JJ stopped everything at that moment and looked at him, completely baffled. What in the world did he have to be sorry about?

"Look, I heard what happened to you and I cannot tell you how sorry I am," he said with a face that told JJ he actually felt as guilty as she did. "We should have waited for back-up like you said, but… I don't know, I guess I was sure we could keep him there long enough for the others to figure out we were there and everything would go down smoothly… But that didn't happen at all, did it?" he finished with that sad smile that was also a signature of Reid's.

"The point is, we should have stuck together like you said and I'm sorry I left you the way I did. It will never happen again," he said, then looked her in her eyes in a way that only Spencer could pull off. "I promise."

She suddenly felt like crying. After all these hours of feeling unbelievable guilt for what she had done to him, it turned out he felt the same for her!

"Spence," she said finally as a few tears betrayed her and rolled down her cheeks. "Listen to me, do not feel bad. Please. I'm sure there are things that both of us could have done to prevent some of the things that happened, or maybe even all of it, but it doesn't matter now," she said, both to Reid and to herself. "It's over and we are both okay. In the future, yes, we will stick together but for now, let's just be happy we still have that option."

Reid then smiled and it was in that moment that JJ knew everything was going to be okay because it was a smile that belonged to the Reid she had known and loved for years. Perhaps his face was more sunken and pale and he seemed more world-weary than before, but he was still her Spencer and she knew that with time he would get back to normal.

Or at least close enough.

END


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